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Buy Tickets to Big Scary Animals or I’m Going to Go Crazy (or Come Fart into Our Cushions)

Hi, I’m playwright, Matt Lyle. When my play Cedar Springs or Big Scary Animals premiered at Theatre Three (in Theatre Too) in 2017, it played most nights to a full capacity audience. The energy of a full house with that show was truly electric. The laughter was overwhelming and the tension was… overwhelming. But this isn’t 2017. The world is different now and the way we take in entertainment is SO different. Therefore, in order to ensure big crowds in the larger main space this time around, I’ve made some tweaks to the script.


What was once a modern comedy of manners that twisted an audience’s expectations in knots is now something much more… bankable. I just want EVERYONE to like it, so the 85-minute comedy running through September 25th at Theatre Three now includes:


  • Superheroes
  • Naked Superheroes
  • Self-aware Superheroes
  • Elves
  • Dwarves
  • A play-within-a-play where the characters put on the entirety of Hamilton but with some extra lines to make it more “churchy”
  • 13 Weird Diet Tricks that Will BLOW YOUR MIND (And Help You Lose Weight FAST)
  • Hugh Jackman singing too quietly
  • Uncomplicated good guys
  • Uncomplicated bad guys (They’re EVIL. Kill them hard!)
  • A tribute to Dolly Parton
  • A room where you can go and watch Bob’s Burgers instead
  • Several tasteful Pulsar Explosions
  • A female Hulk (not that one)
  • Thursday nights are “Bring Your Own Couch” nights
  • A really clear moral spelled out by the protagonist’s last line
  • A redemption story about a boxer trying to feed his family or something like that
  • Easily digestible bulleted lists
  • A message about climate change
  • Fun references to 90’s pop culture icons and David Koresh
  • Celebrities singing while wearing big masks and some other celebrities trying to guess who that celebrity is!
  • Theories about the identity of Jack the Ripper. Was he a woman?!?!
  • Irish Step Dance Fighting Sex Scenes
  • A tribute to Betty White
  • Everyone in the audience gets sorted into their Hogwarts houses!
  • The music of Prince
  • Fourth wall breaking
  • Fifth wall breaking
  • Absolutely zero miming
  • True crime (for the ladies)
  • And of course, celebrities playing Pictionary


And that’s it! The cast and crew and director have done an incredible job so please buy your tickets NOW!